Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
The issue of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria emerged in class this week. It is often seen as simplistic to label someone with neurodiversity as 'sensitive.' It's unlikely the intention is malicious, but the term can be both harmful and dismissive.
Here’s a brief analysis, as well as some alternative viewpoints.
Why 'Sensitive' is a Problem
- It's Dismissive and Minimising: Neurodiversity covers a wide range of variations including Dyslexia, Tourette's, Autism, ADHD. The experiences that might be labelled as 'sensitivity' are often profound neurological differences in:
- Sensory Processing
An autistic person isn't just 'sensitive to sound'. Their brain may process auditory input differently, where a humming fluorescent light isn't background noise but a painful, overwhelming distraction that prevents concentration.
- Cognitive Processing
Someone with ADHD might not be 'sensitive to criticism'. Their rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) can trigger an intense, involuntary neurological response to perceived rejection that feels physically painful.
- Social & Emotional Processing
Labelling an autistic person's honest communication style as 'insensitive' and a non-autistic person's emotional response as 'sensitive' creates a double standard.
Calling these lived experiences 'sensitivity' diminishes them to a personality flaw or a character weakness, rather than acknowledging the phenomena as powerful aspects of how a person's brain works.
- Sensory Processing
- It Places the Blame on the Individual: The word 'sensitive' implies the problem lies with the person for reacting incorrectly to a neutral world. A more nuanced view understands that the world is designed primarily for neurotypical people, and the "problem" is a mismatch of environments and needs, not the person themselves.
- Instead of: "You're too sensitive to the office lights."
- Consider: "The office lighting is overwhelming for your neurology. How can we adjust it?"
- It's an Oversimplification: Neurodivergence is complex. A person might be hyper-sensitive (over-responsive) in some areas (e.g., sound, touch) and hypo-sensitive (under-responsive) in others (e.g., not feeling pain or hunger cues). The blanket term 'sensitive' completely misses this complexity.
- It Can Be Used to Invalidate and Silence: Historically, terms like 'sensitive,' 'hysterical,' or 'overreacting' have been used to dismiss the legitimate concerns and experiences of marginalised groups. When a neurodivergent person expresses that something is painful, overwhelming, or unfair, calling them 'sensitive' is a way to shut down the conversation and avoid making accommodations or changes.
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When Might It Be Okay?
Context and intention matter enormously.
- Self-Identification: If a neurodivergent person calls themselves sensitive, that's ok. They are reclaiming the term to describe their experience on their own terms.
- In a Context of Understanding: Within a close, trusting relationship where both parties understand neurodiversity, it might be used descriptively without hostile intent.
For example, "I know you're sensitive to strong perfumes, so I didn't wear any today." However, even here, more precise language is often better: "I know strong scents can be overwhelming for you..."
What to Say Instead: Moving Toward Better Language
The goal is to be specific, curious, and respectful.
- Acknowledge the Specific Need or Experience:
- Instead of: "He's so sensitive about deadlines."
- Try: "He needs clear and precise deadlines to manage his time effectively. Ambiguity causes him anxiety." (This describes a need, not a flaw.)
- Use Neutral, Descriptive Language:
- Instead of: "She's sensitive to criticism."
- Try: "She benefits from feedback that is delivered directly and constructively," or "She experiences rejection sensitivity dysphoria, so I'll be mindful of how I phrase this."
- Lead with Curiosity and Offer Support:
- Instead of: "Don't be so sensitive."
- Try: "It seems like this is really affecting you. Can you help me understand what part is most difficult?" or "What would make this environment easier for you to be in?"
The Last Word
In today's world, neurodiversity is gaining a growing understanding, and labelling a neurodivergent person as 'sensitive' is generally reductive and unhelpful. It's a hangover from a time when neurological differences were misunderstood.
The more productive and respectful approach is to move away from labels and towards understanding. Recognise that what looks like 'sensitivity' is often a legitimate neurological difference. Focus on identifying specific needs and working collaboratively to create environments where all concerned succeed.
In short, it's less about judging someone as 'sensitive' and more about understanding their diversity and working together to ensure compatibility with the world around them.
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